But I feel like something is missing. As they are growing, I am missing more and more the perpetual silliness that their younger selves presented. They really had the market cornered on silly, and it was so much fun. Every single day, these kids induce heartfelt belly laughs from me. They really do. They are a load of fun, but as they grow, it seems they are getting more serious. I think they feel it too. Sometimes both kids and I find ourselves looking to the cats for something outrageous and hilarious. Come on Andrew--pounce that toy mouse!
When we first brought Melat home, I wasn't sure I could handle a toddler around. Destiny came home at age 7, and that was just about perfect for me. But Melat's three and four-year-old self were a ton of fun, and I'm missing it, and it went so fast. Now she's reading, tying her own shoes, and staying ever so busy. Too busy to be hugged and snuggled by her mom.
I love the unrestrained, un-tainted, innocent energy that kids bring to the world. Watching the Royal Wedding, my youngest remarked on the bride's train and said "Couldn't she find a dress that fit?" And my oldest commented "They're gonna need paper plates for the reception--that's too many people for dish-washing!" (I chuckled heartily as I pictured the queen balancing a paper plate and Dixie cup on her knee--just like college).
Still, there's something that says to me "life would be more fun in a larger family." More kids isn't in the stars for our family right now--our condo is maxed out space-wise. When the real estate market improves, we'll sell and find a place that will expand with our family, and allow me to maintain the business without loosing my sanity (the larger and busier our family gets, the harder it is to earn an income from the desk in the corner of the living-room).
Regeneration through laughter.
I don't know about you, but I actually gain energy from laughter. A good laugh can keep me going for days. But there's varying degrees of "laugh quality" in my experience. Sure, I can pop in a comedy DVD (I have "The Bucket List" on my schedule for tonight while I grade and file home school class-work), but contrived laughs from scripted comedy are nothing like those that come from playing, laughing, singing and dancing with the kids, or even, the very best laughs--our kids' unscripted moments.
In our family, we truly enjoy parenting. We don't mind the troubles, the "adoption anger," the baggage or abuse history or extra medical appointments. We truly enjoy parenting. Carpools, field trips, homework help, embarrassing questions asked loudly in the grocery store and everything. Every little thing about parenting. When Rob and I first started out in our married life, we discussed many times "what do we have to offer the world." We are two totally ordinary people, with not much to offer but a strong marriage and sufficient resources. We must have had that discussion three times before we decided that adoption would be a way to use our gifts to serve. We couldn't have made a better decision. Our girls are a gift from God.
I've been reading "No Biking in the House Without a Helmet" this week (link below on the image). The author mentions a lot of the same feelings that I'm having right now. She writes about mourning the loss of youth in her house as her bio-kids grew up, and adding more kids to the family, extending those fun youthful years. She also writes with joy and energy about her children's antics. Good, bad, silly, and everything in between, because she loves parenting.
I'm only partway through the book, so I don't know if she addresses the cultural differences in her family or not, but in our family, we love the cultural differences in our family. Bring on the differences! We've already discussed that when we adopt again, we want to adopt from yet another culture, so that our kids who are home already can enjoy the differences as much as we do. We celebrate differences in our family, and we enjoy them--like spices that add depth and flavor in cooking, our childrens' native cultures, family histories, birth-families and backgrounds add even more depth, flavor and enjoyment in our family.
