In the airport in Minneapolis on the way to Missouri, the kids and I ate dinner at a TGI Fridays. There, to keep you busy while they cook, they have Trivial Pursuit cards.
The kids and I started reading one another trival pursuit questions. I asked Destiny "Who ordered the crucifiction of Jesus Christ?" She thought a minute and I prompted her with a little bit of the Nicene Creed to jog her memory. She said "I know! It was Conscious Piliot!"
I couldn't help but laugh. With any luck, we'd have a "conscious piliot" in an hour. I explained that the guys' name was "Pontious"
Thought you'd enjoy.
If you caught that we were traveling, and knew that no vacations were in the plan for us this spring, a little explanation may be in order.
We got a call on Monday that my grandfather, whom I haven't seen in 17 years was very sick and was being removed from life support. On Tuesday, the kids and I took a standby flight to Missouri and we were able to say goodbye. He had never met them and really seemed to enjoy meeting him (it's hard to know just how much he was aware of but he did give us a clue--I'll explain in a minute).
This meant that the kids were able to see the entire Mainard side of the family--my dad, whom I haven't seen in seven years, his "new" wife of five years, my uncles and their significant others, my cousin--now a soldier in Mississippi, who I haven't seen since he was in a stroller and both of my grandparents. We made it to see Grandpa about five hours before he passed and the kids actually really enjoyed meeting him. Melat dubbed him "Grandpa sleepy" and this fellow who'd be described easily as a "tough, onry old cuss" (he's a curmudgeonly type) is generally anything but sleepy--the kids just met him in his last hours and while he was heavily medicated on Morophine.
We arrived at the hospital and the kids saw him on Oxygen and barely moving--his eyes were open and his breathing was rattling (many medical practitioners have dubbed this "the death rattle") I recognized it was the end almost right away. We introduced him to the girls and expected to leave almost immediately for fear we'd be overwhelming to him--but the girls didn't want to leave. They sat and talked to him. Melat climbed up in the recliner next to him and talked to him. Destiny sat by my grandmother and held her hand and listened through the stories, talk and tears.
I've always had a huge respect for my grandfather. Halfway because he scared the tar out of me (he was a drill sergeant at one time and served in both the Vietnam and Korean wars) but he was a very kind person and really enjoys children and the girls didn't seem to bother him at all.
From Melat's spot on one side of grandpa--she offered my grandmother a piece of gum. She explained that she doesn't chew gum because it sticks to her teeth. In an attempt to better explain herself, she popped out her bottom dentures.
My kids have never seen dentures before and they both shrieked.
The next thing that happened stunned us all. Grandpa laughed--a great big belly laugh, and a big (denture-free) smile.
This is exactly the sort of thing that he would have found hysterical, so we were pretty sure he was aware enough of what was going on.
Overall, the trip was a wonderful success, even in spite of bad circumstances and no planning. We got to meet my step-mom and one of my step-sisters and her husband and their three delightful children. I haven't seen my dad in seven years, so he's never met my daughters--they loved spending time with him.
The kids were great up until the very last flight when the fatigue and travel started to fray their otherwise perfect manners.
I spent a lot of time ruminating on what a gift it was that my parents made a point of making sure my sisters and I knew our grandparents. They preserved family stories--and always told us about the difference that our grandparents made in the world. My grandfather, Roger Cummings served in two wars--Vietnam and Korea. He was also a POW. He was a drill sergeant at one point. He had a red-hot temper but a soft spot for children. He would help anyone who needed help. He had a heart of gold. He married my grandmother, a single mom with three sons and they were married for something like forty-six years when he passed on Tuesday.
It seemed like a good time to meet everyone while they were in town to be with grandpa--my aunts and uncles, my cousin Richard, and my dad and step mom and of course, grandma and grandpa--so I took the kids. Some would argue that this was a bad idea, especially taking kids to see a grandfather they've never met in is dying hours. I questioned the idea myself, but it ended up being a fantastic success. With this side of the family, we weren't sure how they would react to our interracial family, nor Melat's HIV diagnosis. We couldn't have asked for a better outcome. Our family was perfectly at home with our "conspicuous adoption" and a couple of skinned-knee incidents let me know that the family did know about M's HIV. I didn't get fear or shunning--just a "mom--how would you like us to deal with this?"
Melat was able to play with my step-nieces and nephew without any fear or shunning.
Shame on me for underestimating them. We couldn't have asked for a kinder reception or more inclusion. The kids and I look forward to our next trip and hope it will be soon--Rob wants to go next time also, but for this trip we planned on so little notice that we didn't even wait for him to get off shift.
We're looking forward to our next trip to Missouri--it's not scheduled yet, but we're hoping soon.
Also, we're extremely thankful that we've been doing the Total Money Makeover plan. Because of that, we had the money (and a plan) for such unplanned expenses as an emergency cross-country trip. Eighteen months ago there was no way we could have pulled something like this off. If you don't know about TMMO, see www.daveramsey.com. It'll change your life!
Happy Easter everyone--He has Risen!
