Day 4: All I really want for Christmas

This is an inspiring song by Steven Curtis Chapman (whose family has also been touched by adoption, with three daughters from China).

This song helps to remember all those kids who wait for families. (And makes me want to bring them all home NOW!).

Day 3: Vocals and Humor!

Time for something lighter, don't you think? I love this song and I was thinking about it as I drove through downtown Seattle today (mental note to self: begin adding 30 minutes for all urban center trips due to shopping traffic).

It helps to be stuck in traffic with a good laugh, so I'm sharing my favorite song of the day, Straight No Chaser's "Christmas Can Can."

If you haven't heard of Straight No Chaser before, they began as Illinois University's glee club I think. They're a stylin', funny, well dressed and well harmonized crew (and easy on the eyes, don't you think?)

Enjoy the Christmas Can-Can!

Jess

PS: If you can't get enough of these guys (I can't), here's one I've never heard before today--"Who Spiked the Eggnog"

Day 2: Stop the Cavalry

This holiday season, one military family that I know is relocating, several others have members deployed, and many more are dealing still with recovery from the most recent deployment. This brought to mind a very favorite Christmas song from when I was little (I honestly think I was twenty before I had any idea what this song was about). My kids also, love Jona Lewie's classic "Stop the Calvary."

I hope you'll remember this one, and our troops and the families who sacrifice so much this holiday season (and always for that matter).

If you don't have a solider of your own to support, there's a few days left to send a note of thanks to someone who sacrifices so we all can be free. You can send a note via the Red Cross Holiday Cards for Heroes program until 12/10/10.

Another World Aids Day Post

Here's another post I wanted to share with you for World Aids Day.

I'm priviledged to be on the board of directors for an organization called Project Hopeful. Here is a story about the family that founded this organization. I hope you'll take a moment to view this--it ran December 1st, 2010 on the CBS Evening News.

View here.

24 Days of Christmas

I've got a crazy idea. Let me preface this by saying that my regular work plus holidays makes December a CRAZY busy month, so it may not work out to follow the plan. But I also want to say that listening to Christmas Music gives me a lot to pray about. It rattles around my mind and brings up different thoughts in a way that no other music seems to do. Perhaps it's the seasonality of it.

Back to my crazy ideas. I'm going to blog 24 holiday songs to think about this season. From songs that make you remember or forget or think, I'll blog what's on my heart/mind each day.

Today, being World AIDS Day, my thoughts are with my youngest daughter's birthmom, living in Ethiopia with AIDS.

I wish that she was here with us, enjoying the holiday season. I wish she could hang the ornaments on the tree with us. I wish I could show her the fancy braids that I put in M's hair with red and white beads.

Officially, the beads are supposed to be "candy cane colors" but as I threaded them on my daughter's long, slender plaits, I thought of the red and white blood cells battling with each beat of her heart to keep her healthy. I thought of the battle that her other mom is loosing.

Some may think that they belong 100% to their adopted child, but I've always seen myself as an equal partner with her other mom. I am raising her daughter because she cannot. We are both 100% mothers to our sweet daughter. I dread the day that we will loose her. I may never even know if/when it happens. She could be gone already. That won't make me 200% M's mom though. I'll be the same, and she'll have one less adult who loves her. That breaks my heart.

I wish I could tie this thought up in a pretty ribbon, but I can't. It hurts. Mothers, fathers, children all die of HIV/AIDS. A preventable disease. While not curable, it is treatable and can be put into remission with proper adherence and access to medication, but I'm powerless to provide this to M's other mom. M (5 years old) realized this a few months ago and begged me to take her pediatrician to Ethiopia to explain why her mom must take her medicine or she will die.

I explained that she already knows this, and that it is her choice not to take her medicine, and there must be a wisdom to her decision, but it is not our place to judge her choice. We will pray for healing and continue to look for options, and prepare our little girl for the inevitable loss of her birthmom.

I would do anything to prevent my daughter from loosing her other mother. But there's nothing that I can do.

Today's song
Today, the song on my heart is "Christmas in Africa." Perhaps this is less a praise than a rebuttal. I like that it keeps Africa front of mind during the holiday season. I like the visual that it provides (I can't imagine Africa ever seeming "Christmassey" but the fact of the matter is, one of the Magi was Ethiopian. He traveled, following the star to worship the Son of God in Bethlehem. OK, I've been to Ethiopia, and crossing town is an adventure, but crossing the continent? Wow!! That truly is Epic.

Also, one thing that I can tell you from experience is that in many parts of Africa, Christmas is NOT forgotten. Despite death, hunger, and hardship, the faith is strong. Stronger, perhaps than anything I have ever seen in the USA. I learned many things about my own faith from my brief time in Africa.

Yes, I think that many know that it is Christmastime. But continue to spread the word.

Please join me in a prayer for my "extended family" in Ethiopia.

Jess



PS: I'll try to keep the posts less depressing from here on out. I'm just in a melancholy mood today.

PSS: I'm tagging these posts Holiday24 if you miss one and want to catch up later.

World AIDS Day

Have you seen this yet? Fantastic short educational PSA by Project Hopeful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving has come and gone like a flash, and I can't help but think about how thankful I am for our family, the fact that this year we've never had to go without, and that our children constantly challenge us and provoke us with their thoughts, questions and behaviors. (Sometimes this is good, and sometimes this is not...)

I've had a handful of recent experiences with the kids that made me really chuckle, so I thought I'd share some of these with you.


A few weeks ago we went to see a Christmas-tree show. This is one of those professionally-decorated Christmas tree extravaganzas with life-sized peacocks and babydolls somehow sculpted into trees without looking silly. I thought the kids would enjoy the experience, and hey, it's free.

It seemed others had the same plan.

There was a young woman with a very tiny baby in one of those cool baby-wrap things. (I'm a big fan of baby-wearning but haven't ever had a baby to wear). Melat (5) shouted in the store "that lady has a baby in her bra. That is DISGUSTING!!!"

Another funny one was when Grandpa brought out the Turkey (he makes an outstanding BBQ turkey) and Destiny (12) was shocked to see that this year's turkey had wings. She insists that last year's turkey did not. She also requested a turkey with three legs for next year's dinner, because she, her sister and her cousin all prefer leg meat.

Lastly, tonight, Destiny and I were in the car, and Destiny asked me what a song was about. The song in question was "Jeremiah was a bullfrog." I have NO IDEA what that song is about. Does anyone know?

2010 Christmas Card

Just finished our Christmas card for 2010 and I'm so excited to get them. If you see a typo, please don't tell me. ;-) I hate the pressure of typing these things out without a chance to proof them.

Top Ten Moments Christmas Card

Get custom photo Christmas cards online at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

An old, funny video

This video was taken in the spring (2010) when we went to Missouri to visit my grandpa and my dad. Melat was sitting on this swiveling chair toy at a park, but it was a really windy day, and her fro-tails (pigtails) were like kites and kept spinning her, faster and faster.

We thought you would enjoy.

Melkam Addis Amet! (Happy New Year!)

Today is Ethiopian New Year's Eve. We're planning on celebrating with the Ethiopian Community Mutual Association in Seattle. Ethiopian New year is a really fun holiday to celebrate--much like our Independence Day.

In preparation, both kids got new hairdos. Melat is taking her five-year-old privilege of wearing beads in her hair very seriously. I don't allow beads before age 5 for fear of choking. She wanted special beads for the new year's celebration. This style includes about 750 beads.

Destiny got a new set of single-extension braids. I've come to the point where I do not buy extensions for her anymore--she has to buy them herself. I have found she takes much better care of them this way. The style I braided in this time took about $15 worth of burgundy and black extensions. No beads in this one--the burgundy is already bright enough.

For those of you wondering how to braid like this, the answers are practice and YouTube. I've watched many, many videos on Youtube about how to cornrow, braid and braid in extension hair (plastic hair). Also, the right products make a big difference. We use Belle Butter whipped shea in Destiny's hair (it's very dry and her scalp gets very dry) and olive oil in Melat's hair. To find Belle Butter, it is sold on Etsy here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/mstashab?ref=top_trail

We've adopted again!

Breathe mom... you already know about this one. But not everyone has met the latest member of the family--Andrew the kitten!

Andrew was born in April and came from a feral kitten rescue, and spends his days rumbling around our house like a bowling ball. He's full of mischief and silliness and has a purr like a chainsaw.

August Update -- Melat turns 5 and steps on the Path to US Citizenship

We've been pretty absent around here for a couple of reasons--first, this is an adoptive family blog for the most part, with an audience of prospective adoptive families. We really haven't felt like a "different" family lately. The kids haven't had any of their special needs issues flaring, we haven't had attachment issues, and it's been summer, so we have been outside playing.

There were a couple of big summer milestones, so those warrant a post. First, Melat turned 5 on August 22. We postponed her adoption finalization while we waited to decide if we were going to change her birthdate. Ultimately we decided not to--believing it to be accurate (her birthmom assured us that it was) but she's just an especially bright kid, and has very good motor coordination, so we've always wondered.

On August 25th, we went to court to finalize her adoption. We did this pro se (without an attorney) to save on adoption costs. Because Ethiopia isn't part of the Hague convention, kids adopted in ET have to be re-adopted to gain US Citizenship, otherwise she remains a permanent resident alien on a green card with a Ethiopian passport.

I'm including a photo of all of us at the court--the judge gave her the funny pink Alligator and the court staff took this cute portrait of all of us. We spent two days playing on the beaches of Port Townsend (we filed in Jefferson county--which would be less hassle than in our home county).

After court, we took all the family out for an old-fashioned burger and malt lunch at a soda fountian in the back of a pharmacy. They had a great little corner that fit our little birthday party, and Melat got to open her birthday presents, and drink the biggest milkshake I've ever seen. A fun birthday party was had by all.

Melat doesn't want to grow up, because old people are gross.

The kids always seem to express their thoughts in the car. Today, Melat told me "I don't want to get old, because old people are gross." Melat is my four and a half year old Ethiopian daughter.

I asked her why old people are gross. She reminisced about a recent trip to Missouri to see my grandfather in his last days. My kids do great with illness and death. They've both seen their share of it, and are totally practical about enjoying the last time that you have with people. They were not intimidated or afraid and were even reluctant to leave the hospital when I decided we'd spent enough time for grandpa's good (some times... too much company, especially in the form of boisterous children is not good).

They took in everything. Melat saw the bag where the urine goes for a bed-bound person who can't get up for the bathroom. That was a very curious feature but she agreed that something must be done if you're too big for diapers and need to go, but can't.

We brought grandma some lunch in the hospital--a bag of little burgers. Melat wanted to know why we weren't bringing grandpa any burgers. While grandma chewed, I explained to her that grandpa was too weak to eat a burger and that he gets all the food he needs from the IV bag, pointing to the bag suspended above his head and the plastic tube that ran to his hand. "He's not hungry because he gets his food and water in that thing."

"Ok" she said without further questions. (whew... I thought that was going to be harder to explain).

So now, six weeks later, she explained to me that old people are gross. Because they pee in the bag and then get their food from the bag.

I guess I hadn't made it clear that they are different bags.

We lost grandpa later on the day of our visit, but we were all very happy to be there and say our last goodbyes and it was a pleasant visit all around. It's going to take me a little while to explain to her that old people don't eat pee. :-/

Rachel's Day, May 1

I read in the church newsletter this week about a day called "Rachel's Day" which began in 1996 in Bethel West church in Chicago.

Its name comes from Jeremiah 31:15-17 wherein Rachel mourns for her children--refusing to be comforted because "they are no more."

The Lord speaks to her and says "refrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears; for your work shall be rewarded, stays the Lord. And they shall come back from the enemy. There is hope in your future, says the Lord, that your children shall come back to their own border."

I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't know much about Rachel as a Biblical character. I don't know if her children were dead, or if they were just "lost" in the world, but this passage speaks to me regardless. It's a good reminder that while as mothers we'll be worrying and crying over our children be they lost, astray or just facing the hazards of the world--they are not alone, and God is watching over them, ready to lead them back.

Hang in there parents--remember, you're not in this alone--the Heavenly Father is in charge.

This passage also reminds me of all the children who don't have parents--that they aren't as alone as it looks like. He watches over them as well, and while we're responsible for doing all that we can to care for the orphans of the world, perhaps the most important thing that we can do is make sure they know that He is there for them and that he is there to lead them back and protect them from the world.

Something to think about.

Happy Easter, and an unexpected trip to Missouri.

In the airport in Minneapolis on the way to Missouri, the kids and I ate dinner at a TGI Fridays. There, to keep you busy while they cook, they have Trivial Pursuit cards.

The kids and I started reading one another trival pursuit questions. I asked Destiny "Who ordered the crucifiction of Jesus Christ?" She thought a minute and I prompted her with a little bit of the Nicene Creed to jog her memory. She said "I know! It was Conscious Piliot!"

I couldn't help but laugh. With any luck, we'd have a "conscious piliot" in an hour. I explained that the guys' name was "Pontious"

Thought you'd enjoy.


If you caught that we were traveling, and knew that no vacations were in the plan for us this spring, a little explanation may be in order.

We got a call on Monday that my grandfather, whom I haven't seen in 17 years was very sick and was being removed from life support. On Tuesday, the kids and I took a standby flight to Missouri and we were able to say goodbye. He had never met them and really seemed to enjoy meeting him (it's hard to know just how much he was aware of but he did give us a clue--I'll explain in a minute).

This meant that the kids were able to see the entire Mainard side of the family--my dad, whom I haven't seen in seven years, his "new" wife of five years, my uncles and their significant others, my cousin--now a soldier in Mississippi, who I haven't seen since he was in a stroller and both of my grandparents. We made it to see Grandpa about five hours before he passed and the kids actually really enjoyed meeting him. Melat dubbed him "Grandpa sleepy" and this fellow who'd be described easily as a "tough, onry old cuss" (he's a curmudgeonly type) is generally anything but sleepy--the kids just met him in his last hours and while he was heavily medicated on Morophine.

We arrived at the hospital and the kids saw him on Oxygen and barely moving--his eyes were open and his breathing was rattling (many medical practitioners have dubbed this "the death rattle") I recognized it was the end almost right away. We introduced him to the girls and expected to leave almost immediately for fear we'd be overwhelming to him--but the girls didn't want to leave. They sat and talked to him. Melat climbed up in the recliner next to him and talked to him. Destiny sat by my grandmother and held her hand and listened through the stories, talk and tears.

I've always had a huge respect for my grandfather. Halfway because he scared the tar out of me (he was a drill sergeant at one time and served in both the Vietnam and Korean wars) but he was a very kind person and really enjoys children and the girls didn't seem to bother him at all.

From Melat's spot on one side of grandpa--she offered my grandmother a piece of gum. She explained that she doesn't chew gum because it sticks to her teeth. In an attempt to better explain herself, she popped out her bottom dentures.

My kids have never seen dentures before and they both shrieked.

The next thing that happened stunned us all. Grandpa laughed--a great big belly laugh, and a big (denture-free) smile.

This is exactly the sort of thing that he would have found hysterical, so we were pretty sure he was aware enough of what was going on.

Overall, the trip was a wonderful success, even in spite of bad circumstances and no planning. We got to meet my step-mom and one of my step-sisters and her husband and their three delightful children. I haven't seen my dad in seven years, so he's never met my daughters--they loved spending time with him.

The kids were great up until the very last flight when the fatigue and travel started to fray their otherwise perfect manners.

I spent a lot of time ruminating on what a gift it was that my parents made a point of making sure my sisters and I knew our grandparents. They preserved family stories--and always told us about the difference that our grandparents made in the world. My grandfather, Roger Cummings served in two wars--Vietnam and Korea. He was also a POW. He was a drill sergeant at one point. He had a red-hot temper but a soft spot for children. He would help anyone who needed help. He had a heart of gold. He married my grandmother, a single mom with three sons and they were married for something like forty-six years when he passed on Tuesday.

It seemed like a good time to meet everyone while they were in town to be with grandpa--my aunts and uncles, my cousin Richard, and my dad and step mom and of course, grandma and grandpa--so I took the kids. Some would argue that this was a bad idea, especially taking kids to see a grandfather they've never met in is dying hours. I questioned the idea myself, but it ended up being a fantastic success. With this side of the family, we weren't sure how they would react to our interracial family, nor Melat's HIV diagnosis. We couldn't have asked for a better outcome. Our family was perfectly at home with our "conspicuous adoption" and a couple of skinned-knee incidents let me know that the family did know about M's HIV. I didn't get fear or shunning--just a "mom--how would you like us to deal with this?"

Melat was able to play with my step-nieces and nephew without any fear or shunning.

Shame on me for underestimating them. We couldn't have asked for a kinder reception or more inclusion. The kids and I look forward to our next trip and hope it will be soon--Rob wants to go next time also, but for this trip we planned on so little notice that we didn't even wait for him to get off shift.

We're looking forward to our next trip to Missouri--it's not scheduled yet, but we're hoping soon.

Also, we're extremely thankful that we've been doing the Total Money Makeover plan. Because of that, we had the money (and a plan) for such unplanned expenses as an emergency cross-country trip. Eighteen months ago there was no way we could have pulled something like this off. If you don't know about TMMO, see www.daveramsey.com. It'll change your life!

Happy Easter everyone--He has Risen!

A double-funny day!

Got a funny from each kid today. Many days they have giggle-worthy thoughts, but today we got especially good observations from them each.

Here's the text posted from my facebook page (I post there first because my phone is always handy).

Melat's (4) funny today---a neighbor was walking her dog and mentioned that she's in a hurry to work. Melat asked "You going to work to make the money so the doggy can go to college? That's what my daddy does. He works so I can go to college and then have a nice job and nice house when I grow up." The lady about passed out laughing.

Destiny (11) saw a bottle of "Bleu Cheese" dressing on the table and asked "was it on sale 'caues they didn't spell 'blue' right?" Good question D. I dunno. Anyone know why they spell it with the French spelling? Perhaps a sign that I shop at a few too many liquidator stores.

This is Destiny's from yesterday: Found the kitty curled up on the bed asleep and decided to take advantage of his sleepyness to administer his dose of oral amino acid supplement (new from the vet). He jumped and I sprayed the bed with this syrenge of cat-food-paste. Destiny said "Well, on the bright side, now your bed smells like liver!" ??!!??

Soggy Pee!

I put a lot of the day-to-day kid funnies on Facebook, because it's easier than the blog to update and usually I post only the items that are snicker-worthy there. :) Here's today's funny.

Haiti

One of the things that I truly love about my kids is that they really have a giving spirit, especially when it comes to other children. I was glued to the news about Haiti for the first week after the quake and trying to do everything that I could to see if we can help the orphanages there. I decided to turn the news off during the daytime because my kids were getting too wrapped up in it, but Destiny said the sweetest thing that I wanted to share.

Destiny told us tonight "Mom, we need to go to Haiti and help all of the people." Rob asked her "what could you do to help?" She said "Give 'em band-aids for their scratches." I love her simple, kind heart and her wonderful compassion. :-)

Naturally, we explained that professionals would be much more valuable on the ground in Haiti--so we recommended she channel her energy into prayers for those affected by the earthquake.

MJ Lives--At My House

So Destiny is a fanatical Michael Jackson fan. She gets up early and plays his CDs and music videos. She dances and sings.

It's pretty funny.

A few days ago I woke up to Melat screaming "NO! I WANT TO WATCH THE **BROWN** MICHAEL JACKSON!!" Apparently, she prefers his earlier works.

Sweet Violets

One of our kids' favorite songs is a funny old song my grandmother taught me years ago. You can see it here if you'd like to.

A few nights ago Melat asked me to sing her the "pharmacy" song. Took me the longest time to know she wanted the "farmer" song. I was afraid Rob had taught her some off-color tune I didn't know of. :)

Clams--Hold The Rocks.

Fed Melat clams for the first time tonight. Clams in the shell, and scallops not in the shell. She ate the clams out of the shell, and proceeded to put the scallops into the shells. Then she asked me why we fed her dinner "with the rocks in it." Ha ha!

Superbowl 2010

While we aren't exactly a football family, we do look forward every year to watching the football game though. Most years, Rob worked on Superbowl Sunday, but he was off this year. Destiny and I make a habit of making piles of junk food and eating buffet-style all day.

This year before the game started, Rob went into a fit of house cleaning (why before we let the children loose with hot wings, I'll never understand).

He shampooed everything with the carpet steamer--even the sofa. We ended up watching the game on piles of towels so our butts wouldn't be damp.

Melat being new to America and organized sports tried to follow the game and asked very fun questions. When she saw the referee she asked "is he da boss who gets to sass the people?

Ice Princess: Olympic Warm-ups

Being all about princesses and ponies, winter television is great for Melat (4). She likes parades (princesses and ponies galore) and winter sports like figure skating. We watched pairs skating for the first time this week and she asked an insightful question "why they gets to be on TV when they can't even skate by themselfs."

I thought the grammar was great fun, so I left it intact.

Later this week, M wanted to watch ice skating on TV but all that was on was hockey or speed skating. She asks.. "mommy.... what did they do with the princesses?" I had to explain that even princesses need breaks.

More pairs figure skating to watch this morning with Melat. She says "Mom, why's that girl wearing a swimsuit for ice skating. Doesn't sound like a good idea mom!" So true.

Image Credit: Flickr.com user

marcocerriciommei' s

Kid funny: Stuff on a Bump

Melat was following Rob around asking what he's doing. He had a bug bite and was looking for medicine for it. He told her "I'm going to put some stuff on a bump" She said "stuff on a bump? Is that like 'Hop on Pop?'"

Some kid funnies

This evening after dinner, Destiny asked me if beavers get splinters in their lips.

Um, I dunno. Go ask dad. He's smart like that.



Also today, I got Melat some books at the bookstore. She's been enjoying Dr. Seuss stories. I loved them as a kid too, so I can't blame her, but they are positively painful to read. Today we read "Are You My Mother" a half-dozen times. She likes that one a lot. When Rob got up for dinner tonight Melat came to me and asked "mom--will you read dad my new books? I can't read to him yet."

I explained that I'm sure dad would LOVE to read the books to hear. Right now he's reading her something about a muddle-puddle-beetle-battle-fox-in-tweedlebeetle-socks.