Celebrating Change, But Mourning The Loss of the Littles

It's been a busy few weeks. We've been keeping busy with school (6th grade and Kindergarten), keeping busy with church (planning a mission trip) and just in general, being a busy young family. I'm still loving it.

But I feel like something is missing. As they are growing, I am missing more and more the perpetual silliness that their younger selves presented. They really had the market cornered on silly, and it was so much fun. Every single day, these kids induce heartfelt belly laughs from me. They really do. They are a load of fun, but as they grow, it seems they are getting more serious. I think they feel it too. Sometimes both kids and I find ourselves looking to the cats for something outrageous and hilarious. Come on Andrew--pounce that toy mouse!

When we first brought Melat home, I wasn't sure I could handle a toddler around. Destiny came home at age 7, and that was just about perfect for me. But Melat's three and four-year-old self were a ton of fun, and I'm missing it, and it went so fast. Now she's reading, tying her own shoes, and staying ever so busy. Too busy to be hugged and snuggled by her mom.

I love the unrestrained, un-tainted, innocent energy that kids bring to the world. Watching the Royal Wedding, my youngest remarked on the bride's train and said "Couldn't she find a dress that fit?" And my oldest commented "They're gonna need paper plates for the reception--that's too many people for dish-washing!" (I chuckled heartily as I pictured the queen balancing a paper plate and Dixie cup on her knee--just like college).

Still, there's something that says to me "life would be more fun in a larger family." More kids isn't in the stars for our family right now--our condo is maxed out space-wise. When the real estate market improves, we'll sell and find a place that will expand with our family, and allow me to maintain the business without loosing my sanity (the larger and busier our family gets, the harder it is to earn an income from the desk in the corner of the living-room).

Regeneration through laughter.

I don't know about you, but I actually gain energy from laughter. A good laugh can keep me going for days. But there's varying degrees of "laugh quality" in my experience. Sure, I can pop in a comedy DVD (I have "The Bucket List" on my schedule for tonight while I grade and file home school class-work), but contrived laughs from scripted comedy are nothing like those that come from playing, laughing, singing and dancing with the kids, or even, the very best laughs--our kids' unscripted moments.

In our family, we truly enjoy parenting. We don't mind the troubles, the "adoption anger," the baggage or abuse history or extra medical appointments. We truly enjoy parenting. Carpools, field trips, homework help, embarrassing questions asked loudly in the grocery store and everything. Every little thing about parenting. When Rob and I first started out in our married life, we discussed many times "what do we have to offer the world." We are two totally ordinary people, with not much to offer but a strong marriage and sufficient resources. We must have had that discussion three times before we decided that adoption would be a way to use our gifts to serve. We couldn't have made a better decision. Our girls are a gift from God.

I've been reading "No Biking in the House Without a Helmet" this week (link below on the image). The author mentions a lot of the same feelings that I'm having right now. She writes about mourning the loss of youth in her house as her bio-kids grew up, and adding more kids to the family, extending those fun youthful years. She also writes with joy and energy about her children's antics. Good, bad, silly, and everything in between, because she loves parenting.

I'm only partway through the book, so I don't know if she addresses the cultural differences in her family or not, but in our family, we love the cultural differences in our family. Bring on the differences! We've already discussed that when we adopt again, we want to adopt from yet another culture, so that our kids who are home already can enjoy the differences as much as we do. We celebrate differences in our family, and we enjoy them--like spices that add depth and flavor in cooking, our childrens' native cultures, family histories, birth-families and backgrounds add even more depth, flavor and enjoyment in our family.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving has come and gone like a flash, and I can't help but think about how thankful I am for our family, the fact that this year we've never had to go without, and that our children constantly challenge us and provoke us with their thoughts, questions and behaviors. (Sometimes this is good, and sometimes this is not...)

I've had a handful of recent experiences with the kids that made me really chuckle, so I thought I'd share some of these with you.


A few weeks ago we went to see a Christmas-tree show. This is one of those professionally-decorated Christmas tree extravaganzas with life-sized peacocks and babydolls somehow sculpted into trees without looking silly. I thought the kids would enjoy the experience, and hey, it's free.

It seemed others had the same plan.

There was a young woman with a very tiny baby in one of those cool baby-wrap things. (I'm a big fan of baby-wearning but haven't ever had a baby to wear). Melat (5) shouted in the store "that lady has a baby in her bra. That is DISGUSTING!!!"

Another funny one was when Grandpa brought out the Turkey (he makes an outstanding BBQ turkey) and Destiny (12) was shocked to see that this year's turkey had wings. She insists that last year's turkey did not. She also requested a turkey with three legs for next year's dinner, because she, her sister and her cousin all prefer leg meat.

Lastly, tonight, Destiny and I were in the car, and Destiny asked me what a song was about. The song in question was "Jeremiah was a bullfrog." I have NO IDEA what that song is about. Does anyone know?

Melat doesn't want to grow up, because old people are gross.

The kids always seem to express their thoughts in the car. Today, Melat told me "I don't want to get old, because old people are gross." Melat is my four and a half year old Ethiopian daughter.

I asked her why old people are gross. She reminisced about a recent trip to Missouri to see my grandfather in his last days. My kids do great with illness and death. They've both seen their share of it, and are totally practical about enjoying the last time that you have with people. They were not intimidated or afraid and were even reluctant to leave the hospital when I decided we'd spent enough time for grandpa's good (some times... too much company, especially in the form of boisterous children is not good).

They took in everything. Melat saw the bag where the urine goes for a bed-bound person who can't get up for the bathroom. That was a very curious feature but she agreed that something must be done if you're too big for diapers and need to go, but can't.

We brought grandma some lunch in the hospital--a bag of little burgers. Melat wanted to know why we weren't bringing grandpa any burgers. While grandma chewed, I explained to her that grandpa was too weak to eat a burger and that he gets all the food he needs from the IV bag, pointing to the bag suspended above his head and the plastic tube that ran to his hand. "He's not hungry because he gets his food and water in that thing."

"Ok" she said without further questions. (whew... I thought that was going to be harder to explain).

So now, six weeks later, she explained to me that old people are gross. Because they pee in the bag and then get their food from the bag.

I guess I hadn't made it clear that they are different bags.

We lost grandpa later on the day of our visit, but we were all very happy to be there and say our last goodbyes and it was a pleasant visit all around. It's going to take me a little while to explain to her that old people don't eat pee. :-/

Happy Easter, and an unexpected trip to Missouri.

In the airport in Minneapolis on the way to Missouri, the kids and I ate dinner at a TGI Fridays. There, to keep you busy while they cook, they have Trivial Pursuit cards.

The kids and I started reading one another trival pursuit questions. I asked Destiny "Who ordered the crucifiction of Jesus Christ?" She thought a minute and I prompted her with a little bit of the Nicene Creed to jog her memory. She said "I know! It was Conscious Piliot!"

I couldn't help but laugh. With any luck, we'd have a "conscious piliot" in an hour. I explained that the guys' name was "Pontious"

Thought you'd enjoy.


If you caught that we were traveling, and knew that no vacations were in the plan for us this spring, a little explanation may be in order.

We got a call on Monday that my grandfather, whom I haven't seen in 17 years was very sick and was being removed from life support. On Tuesday, the kids and I took a standby flight to Missouri and we were able to say goodbye. He had never met them and really seemed to enjoy meeting him (it's hard to know just how much he was aware of but he did give us a clue--I'll explain in a minute).

This meant that the kids were able to see the entire Mainard side of the family--my dad, whom I haven't seen in seven years, his "new" wife of five years, my uncles and their significant others, my cousin--now a soldier in Mississippi, who I haven't seen since he was in a stroller and both of my grandparents. We made it to see Grandpa about five hours before he passed and the kids actually really enjoyed meeting him. Melat dubbed him "Grandpa sleepy" and this fellow who'd be described easily as a "tough, onry old cuss" (he's a curmudgeonly type) is generally anything but sleepy--the kids just met him in his last hours and while he was heavily medicated on Morophine.

We arrived at the hospital and the kids saw him on Oxygen and barely moving--his eyes were open and his breathing was rattling (many medical practitioners have dubbed this "the death rattle") I recognized it was the end almost right away. We introduced him to the girls and expected to leave almost immediately for fear we'd be overwhelming to him--but the girls didn't want to leave. They sat and talked to him. Melat climbed up in the recliner next to him and talked to him. Destiny sat by my grandmother and held her hand and listened through the stories, talk and tears.

I've always had a huge respect for my grandfather. Halfway because he scared the tar out of me (he was a drill sergeant at one time and served in both the Vietnam and Korean wars) but he was a very kind person and really enjoys children and the girls didn't seem to bother him at all.

From Melat's spot on one side of grandpa--she offered my grandmother a piece of gum. She explained that she doesn't chew gum because it sticks to her teeth. In an attempt to better explain herself, she popped out her bottom dentures.

My kids have never seen dentures before and they both shrieked.

The next thing that happened stunned us all. Grandpa laughed--a great big belly laugh, and a big (denture-free) smile.

This is exactly the sort of thing that he would have found hysterical, so we were pretty sure he was aware enough of what was going on.

Overall, the trip was a wonderful success, even in spite of bad circumstances and no planning. We got to meet my step-mom and one of my step-sisters and her husband and their three delightful children. I haven't seen my dad in seven years, so he's never met my daughters--they loved spending time with him.

The kids were great up until the very last flight when the fatigue and travel started to fray their otherwise perfect manners.

I spent a lot of time ruminating on what a gift it was that my parents made a point of making sure my sisters and I knew our grandparents. They preserved family stories--and always told us about the difference that our grandparents made in the world. My grandfather, Roger Cummings served in two wars--Vietnam and Korea. He was also a POW. He was a drill sergeant at one point. He had a red-hot temper but a soft spot for children. He would help anyone who needed help. He had a heart of gold. He married my grandmother, a single mom with three sons and they were married for something like forty-six years when he passed on Tuesday.

It seemed like a good time to meet everyone while they were in town to be with grandpa--my aunts and uncles, my cousin Richard, and my dad and step mom and of course, grandma and grandpa--so I took the kids. Some would argue that this was a bad idea, especially taking kids to see a grandfather they've never met in is dying hours. I questioned the idea myself, but it ended up being a fantastic success. With this side of the family, we weren't sure how they would react to our interracial family, nor Melat's HIV diagnosis. We couldn't have asked for a better outcome. Our family was perfectly at home with our "conspicuous adoption" and a couple of skinned-knee incidents let me know that the family did know about M's HIV. I didn't get fear or shunning--just a "mom--how would you like us to deal with this?"

Melat was able to play with my step-nieces and nephew without any fear or shunning.

Shame on me for underestimating them. We couldn't have asked for a kinder reception or more inclusion. The kids and I look forward to our next trip and hope it will be soon--Rob wants to go next time also, but for this trip we planned on so little notice that we didn't even wait for him to get off shift.

We're looking forward to our next trip to Missouri--it's not scheduled yet, but we're hoping soon.

Also, we're extremely thankful that we've been doing the Total Money Makeover plan. Because of that, we had the money (and a plan) for such unplanned expenses as an emergency cross-country trip. Eighteen months ago there was no way we could have pulled something like this off. If you don't know about TMMO, see www.daveramsey.com. It'll change your life!

Happy Easter everyone--He has Risen!

A double-funny day!

Got a funny from each kid today. Many days they have giggle-worthy thoughts, but today we got especially good observations from them each.

Here's the text posted from my facebook page (I post there first because my phone is always handy).

Melat's (4) funny today---a neighbor was walking her dog and mentioned that she's in a hurry to work. Melat asked "You going to work to make the money so the doggy can go to college? That's what my daddy does. He works so I can go to college and then have a nice job and nice house when I grow up." The lady about passed out laughing.

Destiny (11) saw a bottle of "Bleu Cheese" dressing on the table and asked "was it on sale 'caues they didn't spell 'blue' right?" Good question D. I dunno. Anyone know why they spell it with the French spelling? Perhaps a sign that I shop at a few too many liquidator stores.

This is Destiny's from yesterday: Found the kitty curled up on the bed asleep and decided to take advantage of his sleepyness to administer his dose of oral amino acid supplement (new from the vet). He jumped and I sprayed the bed with this syrenge of cat-food-paste. Destiny said "Well, on the bright side, now your bed smells like liver!" ??!!??

Soggy Pee!

I put a lot of the day-to-day kid funnies on Facebook, because it's easier than the blog to update and usually I post only the items that are snicker-worthy there. :) Here's today's funny.

Clams--Hold The Rocks.

Fed Melat clams for the first time tonight. Clams in the shell, and scallops not in the shell. She ate the clams out of the shell, and proceeded to put the scallops into the shells. Then she asked me why we fed her dinner "with the rocks in it." Ha ha!

Superbowl 2010

While we aren't exactly a football family, we do look forward every year to watching the football game though. Most years, Rob worked on Superbowl Sunday, but he was off this year. Destiny and I make a habit of making piles of junk food and eating buffet-style all day.

This year before the game started, Rob went into a fit of house cleaning (why before we let the children loose with hot wings, I'll never understand).

He shampooed everything with the carpet steamer--even the sofa. We ended up watching the game on piles of towels so our butts wouldn't be damp.

Melat being new to America and organized sports tried to follow the game and asked very fun questions. When she saw the referee she asked "is he da boss who gets to sass the people?

Ice Princess: Olympic Warm-ups

Being all about princesses and ponies, winter television is great for Melat (4). She likes parades (princesses and ponies galore) and winter sports like figure skating. We watched pairs skating for the first time this week and she asked an insightful question "why they gets to be on TV when they can't even skate by themselfs."

I thought the grammar was great fun, so I left it intact.

Later this week, M wanted to watch ice skating on TV but all that was on was hockey or speed skating. She asks.. "mommy.... what did they do with the princesses?" I had to explain that even princesses need breaks.

More pairs figure skating to watch this morning with Melat. She says "Mom, why's that girl wearing a swimsuit for ice skating. Doesn't sound like a good idea mom!" So true.

Image Credit: Flickr.com user

marcocerriciommei' s

Kid funny: Stuff on a Bump

Melat was following Rob around asking what he's doing. He had a bug bite and was looking for medicine for it. He told her "I'm going to put some stuff on a bump" She said "stuff on a bump? Is that like 'Hop on Pop?'"

Some kid funnies

This evening after dinner, Destiny asked me if beavers get splinters in their lips.

Um, I dunno. Go ask dad. He's smart like that.



Also today, I got Melat some books at the bookstore. She's been enjoying Dr. Seuss stories. I loved them as a kid too, so I can't blame her, but they are positively painful to read. Today we read "Are You My Mother" a half-dozen times. She likes that one a lot. When Rob got up for dinner tonight Melat came to me and asked "mom--will you read dad my new books? I can't read to him yet."

I explained that I'm sure dad would LOVE to read the books to hear. Right now he's reading her something about a muddle-puddle-beetle-battle-fox-in-tweedlebeetle-socks.

Some Xmas Greetings

Here is our Xmas Holiday Card for our friends and readers.

Also, our eleven-year-old has finally come to the conclusion that there is no Santa. Yesterday she asks me where the reindeer fly if there's no toys to deliver. Oh boy. Her logic is so delightful. She always keeps us laughing.

Happy Holidays all!

Some Destiny Funnies from the Wayback Files

I was cleaning the garage in preparation for a flood (well, not cleaning, organizing) and ran across a big bin of stuff that had been rather poorly plunked into a bin and stuffed into storage when we last listed our condo for sale--and then drug back into the garage when we gave up and took the house off the market and closed out the storage unit.

At the bottm of the bin, was the multicolored index cards that I put together when Destiny first moved here--I kept them on my nightstand and every time we had a really fun or funny encounter with her, I'd write it down and stick it in the back of a journal.

These little cards were a real lifesaver as we transitioned into being a family. It's not easy to add an older adopted child into the fold--especially if the're not interested in getting a new family. Our first 18 months could be described at "rocky at best" and then we all somehow started getting along well.

Those days aren't far from anyone's mind--we all remember them, but there's no grudges held--we chalk it all up to family growing pains and some righteous grief from Destiny--which she was totally entitled to.

Anyhow, I thought I'd post here some of these cards that I found--they're a pretty good laugh.

We visited the crab pot in July of 2006 with Destiny, where they bring a crab boil and dump it on Newspaper on your plate to eat for dinner. It includes potatos, corn, mussells, crab legs, clams and whole steamed shrimp.

Destiny was a pretty messy eater, so we knew a messy place would be just the ticket for her.

As soon as the waiter appeared and poured the dish onto the table, Destiny spoke up and made her concerns known. "Don't they know I only eat blind shrimp? These have eyes!"

We Nor'westers eat fruits and veggies different than Destiny had in Florida I think. In June of 2006 we were participating in our local community garden, and after a six-week absense from the garden, we went back to our plot. Down, deep in the weeds we found a tiny zuchinni plant with a tinier zuchinni on it. Destiny shouted "Look dad! A 'Queenie' or whatever it is."

March 16th, a month after joining our family we got a double whammy from Destiny. We had a rain storm and she scraemed and said she doesn't like storms. When I asked why, she said that in Florida "a Tomato storm bashed up all the hosues and turned off all the lights" I'm pretty sure she was talking about tornados.

This is also the day that she asked me if I was ever going to have any babies. I'm not totally opposed to the idea, and not really interested right now either, but she was very concerned. S he asked if "Is that becuase you got your boobs tied?" She went on to explain that someone else she knows had six kids and then finally got her boobs tied. Again, pretty sure this was a mis-hearing... I think she was asking about getting "tubes tied."

Here's one from Rob--he put a yellow card in the mix dated 9-6-07 detailing that he was with Destiny going grocery shopping when the car was rear-ended. Destiny asked what would happen if she were to call 911 without any reason. He explained that there might be a fine or the police might come write a ticket. She asked "Do they look under beds?"

The fair has always been a big deal for Destiny. The day that we met her, her siblings had been taken to the fair, and she'd been taken to the Pizza Hut to meet her new parents. She really feels left out about missing the fair, so in September of 06 we took her to the Puyallup fair. We were in the petting zoo and saw a tiny baby bunny. I said "look how sweet he is!" Destiny responded loudly "He's not sweet--he's MEAT." Half the petting zoo cracked up. The other half was horrified.

Here's one from Rob--4-26-06-- He asked Destiny where Spagetti comes from (wondering if she knew the ethnic origins of food) she replied "From cows?"

In our first few days with Destiny, Rob and I frequently found the need to step aside and compare notes. We called these little talks "conferences" and we'd announce that we're having a two-minute conference and needed privacy. On her second night with us--while we were still in the hotel in Florida, Destiny had a big tantrum and we had her sit on the toilet in the bathroom of the hotel (no good timeout places in hotels)... we heard her mumble to herself "I'm havin' a conference so these guys can't give me anymore timeouts."

A fun conversation with my girls: Reindeer Ghosts.

Melat (4): Mommy, why you and daddy always going to work?

Me: We're going to work to make the money to pay for our nice house and to save some money so you can go to college and get a nice job with nice money and a nice house.

Melat: Yay! I want a nice house. When I have a nice house and my own working I can make my own food, and sleep there and vaccum. (She is her father's child).

Melat: Can Destiny live there?

Me: Destiny is a lot older and likes to live differently than you. She likes messy spaces and you like tidy spaces. I think Destiny might be happier in her own house that she buys with her own money from her nice job.

Destiny (11): I like tidy spaces!! (tone of outrage)

Me: You like them when someone else tidies them.

Melat: Destiny, I will make your house tidy and then we can be together forever.
When Destiny gets big she's going to buy her house and save up big moneies for a bus for a job. When she has her bus you will pay her moneys and I will pay her monies and daddy will go pay moneys and we will all go somewhere.

Me: Where will we go?

Destiny: Los Angeles!

Me: What will we do in Los Angeles?

Melat: We will play on the beach.

Destiny: And see the ghosts.

Me: What ghosts?

Melat: The ghosts of the reindeers.

Oh, of course those ghosts. I forgot about those infamous Los Angeles Reindeer Ghosts. (Sounds like a minor league hockey team name doesn't it?)

For what it's worth, earlier today Melat told me that when she grows up she's going to be a reindeer because she likes snow and she likes Santa Claus.

Now that you've read through my silly stories for the day, here's some quick Halloween photos. We played the big day kinda low key this year due to illness, but we still had fun.

A Melat Funny or Maybe I'm Growing Old

I took Melat with me to a local liquidator store where I buy packages of her pull-ups at a discount because the packages were torn in shipping.

They always have a ton of interesting stuff in there. Resturaunt supplies, snow shovels, dog toys--you name it.

She asks a lot of "what's that" questions. She happened upon a giant bin of cassette tapes and asked me what they were. I told her they were music.

So she picked one up and held it to her ear.

Naturally.

Where do babies come from?

My four year old, Melat, told me tonight that babies grow in mommies' tummies until their fingernails get sharp and then they scratch the mommy's eyes to get out. She knows this because she's having a baby tomorrow. Nice.

Summer Wrapping Up: In Pictures

Where to begin in reporting our summer. It seemed to have flown by. Destiny attended Girl Scout Camp at Saltwater State Park and Church Vacation Bible School. We took a day hike at Mt. Rainier National Park, and the highlight of our summer was a four-day camping trip with friends. Four moms, twenty-four kids, four days. It was a blast.

Also this summer, we had visitors from Ethiopia. The director of WACAP House (Our agency's children's home) came for meetings and we had the opportunity to take him and his colleague to see some of the local sights. It was great to have the opportunity to visit with them both and for them to see Melat's progress, and her continued good health.

Just last week we got excellent news from M's doctor who says that her HIV is not progressing still. It's unclear why this is, and she'll continue to have her maintenance tests, but it's great to see that she's doing so well.

Melat just had her fourth birthday, and recieved a little bit of birthday money. She also gets money for her only "chore" in the house--which is matching socks. She gets $0.25 per load of wash for matching socks.

Boy was I surprised to learn she'd squirreled away $160!

I took her to the bank and she opened her first bank account. She handed the teller her green card, and her money and said "I'm thinkin' about it and I want a bank for my money."


Destiny is celebrating her 11th birthday this month. She's busy getting ready for school to start, and is getting a head start on some of her lessons (she's doing an online-home school program). She was reading her history book and came to me in outrage saying "Mom! I can't believe they have us read this book--people die in it!" (I felt bad that I had to explain to her that in history, everybody dies.).

With Destiny home-schooling now, Melat was pushing back about preschool, so she's staying home now too--and has daily "table time" twice a day--an hour of activities at her little-kid-sized desk.

She sat on the sofa a few days ago with her lacing cards--those little wooden shapes with holes around the edges. She was pulling the shoestring through the holes and said to me "Mom, I don't understand why anybody would do this." Then she put the cards in the box and went on to do something else.

I guess it's a good point. Why would anyone do that? But toddlers aren't supposed to ask.

M is a Rockstar

Traveling with Melat is a LOT like traveling with a celebrity, except she gets carsick if she goes more than 10 minutes in the car. ("Uh mommy, I barf.")

Today we had to run out for cat litter, and since we buy a designer cat litter (it really is *that* good) we have to go to the pet store which is 9.5 minutes away, so M would like to go. We also wanted a quick stop at the library for some new cardboard books to throw at her sister. (shall have to tackle that little behavior issue separately).

We went to the cat litter store, and then I took her out for a sandwich at Panera bakery. It was a nice day, and we split our sandwich and chatted (she's a pretty good conversationalist).

When it was time to leave, she leaped out the front door, and did a grand, dramatic bow to the patio diners and announced:

"Goodbye Everyone! Now it is time for me to go take a nap!"

Everyone laughed, and some managed to say back to her "Have a good nap sweetie!"

Sometimes people are so cool.

Happy Mother's Day

Melat is confused about the whole Mother's Day thing. She keeps talking about "The Mother's Day Foot" Rob is thinking this is a distant relative of The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and Uncle Sam. She has kept the mother's day gifts she was planning to give me and says she's saving them for "the foot." We're all befuddled, but figure it will work out later.

Every day is an adventure with our kids. :) I love being "mom" even if I'm not as cool as a foot.
-Jess

I Know His Name!

Melat's latest game is to match people's names with them. She askes me everywhere "What's him name?" (She hasn't mastered gender-specific pronouns).

Today we were in an ice cream shop and she pointed at an old man and shouted "Momma! I know him name!!! His name is Grandpa!"

The whole ice cream shop cracked up. Oh dear.