Did today pass you by without you knowing that today is World Aids Orphans Day? Today I hugged an orphan. Maybe you’d say she is a former orphan. Now she’s my daughter.
It was a day of interesting juxtapositions. I was asked to discuss HIV+ adoption with another family who is wondering if it could be right to them. The first question was “why shouldn’t we do this?” I’m afraid I’m the wrong person to ask. I can't think of any reason not to adopt a child simply because of his or her HIV/AIDS status (except possibly if you don't have medical insurance?)
You see, there’s only four days a year that I really have to think about my daughter’s HIV+ diagnosis. The four days that she goes in for her blood draws. It just so happened that today was one of those days.
Today was the day I hold down the arm of my sweet baby as she screams and shakes and wails, raining tears and snot everywhere to get her one needle stick to have her blood drawn. I always feel like a bad mommy for letting them do it, but I know it must be done. They make it nearly painless too. The lab was so fast we had results today. It’s that easy. Her “trajectory” (overall health) continues to improve without medication. This isn’t expected to be a long-term pattern, but it’s a sign that her HIV condition isn’t going to be a big factor in her life for a long time.
We’re so lucky, but I ache for her birth mom, who is still alive. So oppressed by the stigma of HIV/AIDS that she did not feel she could seek HIV treatment during her pregnancy, or for her daughter at home. I wish that she could be part of our family too. That we could call and let her know that everything is OK, that her daughter is healthy and strong and wonderful. Our agency found her, and we'll be sending pictures, but that's not enough. I know it isn't.
If I could do any one thing for World AIDS Orphan Day, it would be to help break down the stigma about HIV/AIDS that would enable more parents with HIV and AIDS could receive medication and care and continue to parent their kids without fear of reprisal.
Today, I sat in the Infectious Disease Clinic on World Aids Orphans Day. It felt ironic, or wrong, but I couldn't tell which. It seems like they should take the day off or something. Like it should be a holiday, or like a holiday should be created in recognition of the docs and scientists that heal our kids. But there's no time for time off.
I wish I could do something more for the kids left behind. Adopting another isn’t a possibility right now, but we’ve started sponsoring an AHOPE child. Maybe our little bit of pitching in will be enough to allow them to extend services to another child who's home with his/her parents, or who needs care at the AHOPE building.
I think the role that I can play right now is to continue to use my writing as a way to reach out to other families like the family I spoke with today, or the family I emailed with yesterday. It isn’t hard to parent a child with HIV. No harder in my experience than any other child.
We don’t fear her condition. We haven’t experienced negativity from our community. Our family is perfectly accepting. Even if these things weren't true, we wouldn't have changed our minds about Melat and we wouldn't regret it. She's a perfect component in our family.
Don't get me wrong, I don’t for a second believe that adoption will cure the epidemic of orphans left in the wake of the AIDS epidemic, but it can't hurt, can it? In many countries, there aren't enough medication options to provide a great quality of life for kids who have HIV and AIDS.
I’ve not felt well this week and haven’t been writing much at all, but I get to my computer and try to clear out the email and the RSS reader, and I’ve seen some great posts about World Aids Orphans Day, so rather than waxing poetic in a coffee-induced trance, I’d like to share with you some really great writing from others.
Mother’s Day Perspective from Julie Barclay (AKA “Noah’s mom)
The Twietmeyer Family and some great Project Hopeful gear. http://www.twietconfetti.blogspot.com/
Full House, Full Hands, Full House by Erin
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